My brain says no but my pants say off.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
