Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
