you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
