kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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