i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
