wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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