Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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