pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
