He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
