Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
