My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
