you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
