You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
