Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
