I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
