I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
