Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
