So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
