Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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