If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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