Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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