I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
