Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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