you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
