I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
