i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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