I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
