her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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