hotel room ftw
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
