i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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