so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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