You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
