Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
