it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
