Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
