We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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