party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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