you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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