I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
