rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
