I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
