I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think I just sharted jello shots
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