I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
