with your own penis?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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