I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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