My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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