so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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