The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
