I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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