I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
