new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
smell my finger.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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