What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
