Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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