): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
