This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
