God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
