My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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