How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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