I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
