Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do herpes really smell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
