Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
