yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
